wat is all this about?

sometimes, i just wonder... i think this is gonna soon be my favorite sentence. i think i did think about this before... so what if i could read the future? does it gonna make a difference? when we say that fate lies in our hand, is it real? sometimes i really get so frustrated for not able to know what is going to happen next. will life be less miserable if you can predict? i really dun know...
i pull my blinds open, looking at this world, people are so small yet they make such a big difference to the world. human brain is such a complex thing. i was once told by my friend that i should not think too much. but somethings really i have kept to myself that i dint tell you all, not that i do not trust you all, in fact somethings i told you all that i didn't even told my parents. it is just that i am too scared to face things. i am really a timid person. i admit. sometimes i just do not know who i really am? i seem to feel that i have lived in a world of my own. may be thats the reason why i felt so lonely. how i wish i could just say to you ... but i couldn't! i am really suffocating! i need air to breath! how could someone born on the same date, time varies a little be so different? i sometimes just hated myself. i used to hit things when i am angry. but i realized that who suffers later? isn't me going to be the one? someone has once predicted that my brother and i will live far apart from each other. in fact to think of it now, isn't it real? has the person just saw my future? i will really want to meet the person. but i just don't know where to look for the person. i really wish to know something more about myself.
i always have this thinking that although it may be good to listen to advice, but i just couldn't let myself follow the way it is. i just like to be hit by obstacles. i know a lifetime is not enough for me, and i am not any hardworking person, but yet i still try. i never want to try to be different, cause i am already different. in fact i feel so lonely to be different. no one is by my side! i do not want pity but accompany. sometimes, i feel so lost. i was once so passionate about my course but as i think further now. it is not really a course that will going to work out well in the society. so much about IT and managing people business,zzZ. kelvin has already told me before that this course is half commerce and half IT. yea i thought so, but what happens is that you will stuck between the two groups of people. yea you are the bridge, so what? you are not knowledgeable enough to be any side. i am again fell into a category of distinct. no one is with me again.
yes indeed i have to be strong, everyone is standing by their feet. but you all have friends to be with. to cry and laugh. i am not saying that i do not have friends. but just that my friends could not share my frustration cause i am different from them in the first place. all i need now i think is just a mere reflection and time to cool myself down. think and rethink. friends i need you all!
sighs forget it i think no one will hears...
all about me,
Zk@!